Learning Love Through Travel in Monaco

Always read the signs

Secrets from concrete real estate

Old wealth haven

Always read the signs

The opportunity was there-we had planned on visiting Nice before heading to Italy anyway, so why not peek at Monaco. I think the warnings were there while in Nice; The taxi driver that quoted an insanely high price for about 16 kilometers or the disapproving look of the waiter in Nice when we referenced the renowned country. Now in reflection, it is surprising they even granted a train to pass through-you will understand more in a moment.  

The Miramar Hotel was so serene and beautiful rested on the main street neighboring the water with such a friendly smiling receptionist that greeted our arrival. Outside our balcony, the harbor cradled yachts gently. The room was spacious with an intriguing sense of design. The bathroom with two sinks and a glass-doored shower was a luxurious combination of nautical and artistic rainforest. It was really the white ravens that were perched above the bathroom mirrors and bed dangling the room’s lighting from their beaks that established the setting. I mean, was it symbolism: Poe’s ‘The Raven’. The connection seemed subtle.

When we emerged onto the street with no solid expectations, the reflection of the sun setting beyond the mountainous wall on the water was so capturing. Similar to many Mediterranean bordering countries, as you look out towards the Mediterranean Sea, the blue enriches as the ocean disappears into the horizon. As we continued to walk, it seemed quieter than I had thought when we had arrived except for the Lamborghinis, Ashton Martins and Bugattis that would jet by now and again. 

Secrets from the concrete real estate

There was more architectural-lacking, concrete real estate than I had expected for water front property. They were simple, residential buildings with balconies that lacked personality or…just literally people in that case. It was a beautiful day, yet no one on their balconies during the sun set. That is when I noticed a lack of people in general. There was such a limited number of pedestrians we passed that seemed to only be outside to solely walk their pups. This eerie feeling was growing.

Among all the random pieces of statues and art on the sidewalk, there was one piece called ‘When The Ocean Sounds’ by David Horvitz. It was a rather large piece with multiple “SHHH”s and “SHSH”s. Upon initial reflection, maybe it was a reminder to keep the streets quiet, but then again it could have been hinting at the hidden secret of this city.  Next to the piece, there was plaque that continued to explain that it represented the ocean, but the secret metaphor was more overwhelming.

It was relieving to stroll along some mothers quietly chatting while watching their children ride on scooters. I guess that area was some sort of park, but I do not remember seeing any kind of play structure or even a single swing set. The area transitioned into some waterfront property to an artificial beach. I think this was the first time opportunity was taken on waterfront property, other than the area of harbor-yacht association near the Miramar.

The artificial beach homed a few beach-themed restaurants with patios and an enclosed swimming area which seemed ideal for warm weather. It was a tradition of our holiday to locate waterfront spots to enjoy a drink, but that plan was dissipating quickly. With such an abundance of patio tables, chairs, and lounge seats; they were empty. Peering into the glass of the restaurants: empty. There was one-single table at the last establishment with four young adults with drinks. When we approached, one employee confirmed they were already closed. It was 6 o clock (18:00)…and the only open establishment was closing. Now thinking about it, everything was closed. Not one store, real estate office, or retail front was open. Everything- just deserted. 

Bizarre? Mysterious? Creepy? It felt like we were in this quest to find any kind of lively area. We had to finally backtrack in what was the only thing that somewhat resembled it. We ended up following another couple down an enclosed hallway, almost hidden under a building, lined with mirrors and elegant tile to an elevator with no signage. Very ‘Hotel California’ like as if we may never leave. The elevator rose near possibly what we were searching for. It was this large brick city square between the Monte Carlo Casino, Jardin du Casino, and Le Restaurant Casino Cafe de Paris. It was here we found that anybody that was anyone was at the large patio restaurant in front of casino sipping drinks with company guarded by security agents at the entrance and police wandering around. 

It was difficult to ignore the resemblance of a theme park on the Garden. The trees seemed so artificially placed and the flowers did not seem native. There were limited gardens to begin with, but this one and any on the medians between the lanes of the roads all echoed the same fabricated design. In sad honesty, I am unsure if I would have known the difference if they were plastic to uphold the vibrancy and vivacious, counterfeit demeanor. 

Being from the US, casinos are attractions first and entertainment second. Places like Las Vegas, there is an enticing draw for tourists to experience the environment and excitement of the casino floors in hope of coaxing a “F.O.M.O.” (fear of missing out) feeling. Monte Carlo, on the other hand, had a different approach. Their reputation and image was priority which was not surprising, but seventeen euros per person to even enter the casino floor seemed steep. The strategy was probably successful in mitigating anyone other than high rollers, but it seemed unusual when just seeing the ‘one arm bandits’ near the entrance appear to be from the ‘90s. It was, also, quiet. No capturing themes, flashing lights, or entertaining music reeling in gamblers. How is a casino actually boring…and why did that one older man look bored at a machine?

At this point, there was a feeling of desperateness for more than dinner, but feeling of life? Our options seemed slim, so we figured to at least check out Le Restaurant Casino Cafe de Paris and damn I was not expecting to be the star of ‘Pretty Woman’ for that solid 6 minutes we were there. The hostess’s eyes examined us head to toe in almost disgust and disbelief of our existence in the building. No reservation-would have thought we had committed a crime even though the elegant ballroom with easily 80 tables had a maximum of 5 of them filled. We were all more than eager to walk out minutes after being granted access to a table passing each employee that almost had a sense of relief of our departure. Sense of relief that our presence would no longer tarnish their status. 

How thankful we were when we located a little Italian restaurant, a Steak ‘n Shake, and a market to complete our night in our room with a slice of tiramisu and bottle of cheap wine. Interesting how we landed back at the hotel room before 9 o clock to a lingering ‘The Raven’ motif. I mean there we were back in the chamber hoping the dystopian and shudder-some Monaco would not be able to penetrate. We were both so grateful to sit on the balcony together sipping wine basically already packed eager to escape. We continued to exchange thoughts and discussed our excitement for what was next as usual. 

Old Wealth Haven  

To keep in mind, we did travel to Monaco on a Sunday which come to find out is more a ‘rest day’ which is not uncommon in many cultures, but there was such disconnect from life. ‘Rest days’ usually include company and shared meals, but this country had me consistently questioning if anyone actually resided there. The largest attractions are, of course, the Grand Prix and large music shows, but I can confidently assume that the prices alone are the criteria for those that visit during those times. 

Also, looking at the long history of the country, the economic system was built by wealth and continues to be a rich haven. The country prides itself on non-existent poverty despite most of the work force being people from surrounding countries which makes anyone question who are the actual citizens. Another point that is boasted by Monaco, there is an overwhelming amount of police force compared to citizen ratio. For a country with such a sparse, if any, amount of physical crime, such a sense of fear.

If Monaco is still on your radar, just have adjusted expectations. During the end of March on a Sunday, hotel fare was still upwards to $200 (USD) a night when the same room was priced three to four times the rate other days that same week. It is a country sheltering a vast amount of ‘old wealth’. Other websites have listed the country as ‘an adventure to get to due to limited access’. It’s a warning of itself-to most likely restrict those of limited equity. The train from Nice to Monaco is relatively cheap with walking distance to the city center and the taxi is effortless for a steep fare. For us, 15 hours was more than enough and we could not get on the train fast enough. 

“And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor Shall be lifted – nevermore”

Edgar Allen Poe

Learning Love Through Travel in Nice

Shoulda, woulda, coulda

An immersive moment

Pidge Practices Patience

Shoulda, woulda, coulda

I hate regret. It is such a feeling of disappointment, but there is a part of me that regrets not giving more time for Nice. Our whole adventure was already so short and, sadly, Nice only got a few hours of our itinerary for lunch before we needed to head on to the next destination. I always say ‘shoulda, woulda, coulda’ as you cannot be satisfied with every decision, but I definitely would recommend to take extra time in Nice. It is by far one of the places in the world I hope we visit again for multiple days. 

An immersive moment

From the airport, a quick bus ride takes you right downtown dropping you off in the midst of the city. The skinny roads were lined with French style architecture and motorbikes. And a few short blocks takes you to the coast of the Mediterranean Sea. I felt so welcomed at the rocky beach as we had some of my favorite memories in this same sea from our trip to Greece. They were such familiar waves that directed us to a local little restaurant where we enjoyed an amazing Truffle Pizza with a flavorful Olive Oil on the beach. I am pretty sure that olive oil contained a whole garden including rosemary, garlic, and thyme, but by far the best olive oil we surprisingly had our entire trip. Such a light flavor complimenting the pizza crust that I think David would fall off his tiny butt for.

As we just sat at the table with our backpacks next to us on the rocks, for a second I forgot that we were actually across the world and that we still had a life/career/drama back in the US. How euphoric to be free from the stress and constant anxiety. It was such an immersive moment to be with the man I have fallen so deeply with and not to have even a pause about the personal chaos back at home. I know that is the feeling I have always dreamed of and that I have been chasing since. 

After finishing such a blissful meal, we thought we were asking an innocent question to our waiter if we could walk on foot to Monaco, but after seeing the waiter’s reaction, we realized we touched a sort of taboo subject. The eyes of the waiter got large in judgment, disgust, but also pity knowing we just did not know what was ahead for us. (See Monaco if you want to know why). 

Pidge Practices Patience

Well after finding out we could not walk to Monaco, we had to find another option. David indicated that we could find a taxi for such a short ride saving us time. Mind you, we were not near the airport, so taxis are not super common roaming the city, but David was set on a taxi. We trekked off for at least 35 – 40 minutes as we slowly became more and more tired. I suggested we stop to do a quick search for another option, but he was still confident we would find a taxi the further out we walked. 

We continued to have no luck finding a taxi, but did find two younger french men who I was able to successfully communicate with about where to locate one. As we strode off, I had begun looking up train stations nearby and knew it would be a walk. I started directing us towards the station instead when we actually surprisingly had a taxi pass us. David flagged it down with such hope and confidence as his patience began to thin. The taxi driver quoted us a ridiculous 75 euros for a short 10 minute drive to Monaco where David was tempted to accept to save his feet, but I encouraged that we are not that far from the train. 

With at least another 18 mins and a fading David, I navigated us to the train station. Almost ironic that after such a euphoric lunch, we found ourselves in such an anxious moment just trying to get to the next part of the adventure. 

Although I am grateful for the small tests of patience for David and I, I cannot wait to see what Nice has in place for us upon our return. 

Learning Love Through Travel in Paris

When you are in love don’t take it for granted because it is everything

Holding the beauty and the suffering of the world at the same time

“See Paris First” – Embracing Fear to Fully Experience Love

When you are in love don’t take it for granted because it is everything

We stayed at St. Christoper’s Inn Canal, a party hostel that stayed true to its reputation by hosting a beer pong tournament in the lobby every night. Thankfully, we had booked a private room and it was cute and quiet. We liked the hostel mostly because of its location, as in the morning I went for a delightful run along the Paris canal and saw so much life happening. There were soccer games, runners, dogs being walked and dogs walking humans, kids playing everywhere, and just joyfulness. It felt like a very healthy and beautiful environment. I came back and Kait was still getting some zzzz’s so I went down for the free breakfast at our hostel and found a seat next to the canal. It was gorgeous. The sun was sparkling off of the water like glitter. I overheard a conversation between two gentlemen in their mid to late 30s at the table next to me, one from England and the other from Austria. They both seemed to be sharing stories of heartbreak and longing for love over cappuccinos. The one guy spoke of prostitutes and getting catfished in Paris by someone he met online and the other talking about this being the end of his long relationship. Then they turned to me maybe thinking I could commiserate. But with the glow I had they could probably tell I am totally in love. And I shared that I could not be happier and am more in love than I ever thought was even possible. Kait is truly the love of my life and I am savoring every second of being with her. I believe we all are looking for the same thing and when you find it you don’t take it for granted. You cherish that love and protect and fight for that love over anything. And so I could not have been more joyful to be back in Paris now 34 totally in love with Kait thinking about how my 18 year old single self that was in Paris could not have imagined a better today.

Holding the beauty and the suffering of the world at the same time

Then we went to a park to meet up with an acquaintance of mine named Hedy. We had met recently in a Center for Courage and Renewal virtual retreat and she had mentioned she lived in Paris. As Kait and I planned our trip, I reached out to Hedy and we were each up for the fun of meeting a stranger who apparently has courage and renewal. Hedy had shared in our retreat that she was hosting a refugee Ukrainian family and I really was in awe of her in the ways she opened up her home to the world’s need in this time of global crises. The greatest gift that Hedy gave us was the gift of her example. She fell in love with a Parisian man and moved from the US to rural France. She shared with Kait and I how she had never felt more safe as a woman in France as compared to the US where she regularly experienced feeling unsafe and the daily oppression of a patriarchal and sexist society. If there is anything I pray for Kait it is for her to be safe and totally free. And so it made me joyful to have Kait meet Hedy and see Paris as a very different alternative from the US. I think just knowing that there is another option, that you are not stuck, is so empowering because then you have a choice. I choose Kait being safe and free first and foremost. 

Hedy invited us to join her that night at a choir concert with the Ukrainian family she is hosting. We gladly accepted the invite and we soon found ourselves a row behind Hedy and the family in a beautiful, yet hot church listening to some very relaxing mellow choir music. Given that Kait and I were about 24 hours off of the flight over, we were hella tired. It literally felt like a survivor competition, (outwit, outplay, outlast) to stay awake in this environment. And the potential awkwardness of falling asleep in front of a new friend, a whole Ukrainian family, and the entire church full of Parisians felt daunting. My eyelashes fluttered heavily as I tried to keep my eyes open and I was getting sweaty AF. The guy to Kait’s left fell asleep almost immediately, seemingly unabashedly as if he bought a ticket to this show just to get a good nap in. It made it all the more enticing to just close one eyeball and then the other… But we both persevered. Thankfully because what I saw next was the littlest girl of the Ukrainian family put her head down on her mom’s lap and fall asleep. And in that moment I felt so grateful that this Ukrainian family was okay. That this little Ukrainian girl could rest, if only for a few moments during a mellow hot Parisian choir concert.

Before Kait and I went on this trip I remember feeling a bit shy to share with others that I was going on a Euro trip over Spring Break despite the Russian invasion of Ukraine. We had booked our tickets well in advance of this war beginning but yet it still felt like it somehow needed to be defended in my mind that we could travel for leisure at a time like this. It made me reflect on a critical experience I had in college as part of the Pangea World Service Team in Nicaragua.I remember being torn by the joyful contentment of so many Nicaraguans I met while also seeing the ways in which extreme poverty limited life opportunities for many Nicaraguans and was primarily caused by the United States.  A little 8 year-old boy named Carlos had to stop playing soccer with me to go work in a factory to support his family. It broke my heart. The amount of human caused suffering led me to feel hatred for human nature and this world. It overwhelmed me. Over the last decade I struggled at times to be able to hold both the suffering and the beauty of the world at the same time. As an activist I also felt like I needed to be hyper focused on all the injustice and suffering  at all times and that it was endless and that I could never do enough. And yet the world is complex. I have learned that it is important to hold both the beauty and the suffering at the same time.  

“See Paris First” – Embracing Fear to Fully Experience Love

In the case of travel I found it to be very important that Kait and I did travel at this time. If anything the pandemic message was “stay home” and you are only safe with your own blood family. Be afraid of strangers. Be afraid of everybody. And I think travel is the opposite of this. I feel travel says the world is your home. I feel travel says everyone is your family. I feel travel says there is no stranger. I feel travel says don’t be afraid – get closer to what you are afraid of.

SEE PARIS FIRST by M. Truman Cooper

Suppose that what you fear

could be trapped,

and held in Paris.

Then you would have

the courage to go

everywhere in the world.

All the directions of the compass

open to you,

except the degrees east or west

of true north

that lead to Paris.

Still, you wouldn’t dare

put your toes

smack dab on the city limit line.

You’re not really willing

to stand on a mountainside

miles away

and watch the Paris lights

come up at night.

Just to be on the safe side

you decide to stay completely

out of France.

But then danger

seems too close

even to those boundaries,

and you feel

the timid part of you

covering the whole globe again.

You need the kind of friend

who learns your secret and says,

“See Paris first.”

Learning Love Through Travel – The Pre-Trip!

Slurpee to Yurpee

Mistakes Could Be Funny

Raise the Tetto

Slurpee to Yurpee

I believe that a trip really begins when you begin thinking of ideas for a trip and then savor each part of the excitement before you are on the trip. You really get your moneys worth when you appreciate the pre-trip…and the after trip! 

The pre-trip for us involved delivering a slurpee. A slurpee! Slurpee to Yurpee means that we DoorDashed our way to Europe. Here is how…

Kait and I did DoorDash with the goal of paying for our plane tickets to Europe with our earnings. And we accomplished that over a few weeks of dashing! On Friday nights we would get out of work and jump in the Kait mobile for a “dash”. After a nerve-racking start where DoorDash gave us a double order on our first dash which we quickly figured out, we really got the hang of it and soon loved it.  We found it to be lovely in how it helped us work towards a collective goal, was valuable time together that would soon lead to some hilarious stories, and gave us a chance to make a small positive impact on some unsuspecting people. We somehow came up with the idea that after we picked up an order we had the time till we dropped it off to write each customer a unique post-it note pun related to their order. For example, there was an Indian restaurant called Deshi and so we wrote to that customer “We hope your dinner is Deshi-licious”. It was funny and cute okay.  And we saw each DoorDash order as a way to get these cute little post-it notes into the homes of millions (okay a few ) Americans.  

Now, DoorDashing is not easy. So many things can go wrong from taking the risk to add extra driving to your life especially during the winter in Michigan, to late orders, and customers that don’t tip. But, we had a great time. Sometimes we would dash and then go out with friends and then I would start the cheer “One More Dash!” and we would do a little bit more dashing. It was great. Our top stories were delivering a slurpee from 7-eleven to a mansion around the corner (which then coined the phrase slurpee to yurpee), the Deshi-licious order where a shirtless man came bounding down the stairs towards me to receive his meal and laughed when I said I hope it’s Deshi-licious, and just jamming out as we came up with bad puns to put on our post-it notes. Each dash was an unrehearsed adventure and it had a lot in common with travel. I love Kait’s openness and energy to do DoorDash together.  It made me happy to spend this time together as a couple working towards our shared goal of travel. If you were wondering, Kait was primarily our driver and I was our dasher. We worked very well as a Dasher team I might say – maybe one of the best of all time! Just kidding but yea it was a hoot. It felt like all the hard work paid off when we met our goal and bought our direct RT plane tickets from Detroit to Paris with only our DoorDash earnings. DoorDash became one of the unofficial sponsors of our trip and a significant part of the pre-trip. Gas-X is also an unofficial sponsor of our trip. No further comment on that.

Mistakes could be funny

Mistakes could be funny. They could also be costly. But when you are in love and have unconditional love for your partner you can sometimes…okay okay I know what you are thinking – “Davide” what did you do?. So, after finally hitting the Pay button to finalize our plane tickets to Europe I realized that the tickets said David Metler and Kait Metler. Here is the thing: Kait’s last name is O’mara and we are not married (yet) /she did not take my last name pre-marriage!!! The whole taking the guys last name has a sexist history too. But…it was just an autofill mistake that I somehow missed even when I double checked it. So, then I call Kait and break the news to her that she accidentally just became a Metler. It was pretty funny to us. Maybe a little rushed but hey Kait Metler has a good ring to it. The not funny part was now I had to call Delta and change her name back and as one who is an oversharer (as well as an overwiper just sayin) I was suddenly wondering how to break it to Delta that Kait was changing her last name back to O’mara. That we were now potentially going to be seen by Delta as separated or divorced but still going on a trip together to Europe?!?! I mean the real story was that it was a simple mistake but it was a pretty funny mistake to undo. So, anyways I spent over four hours trying to connect with a ticket specialist over Delta’s app, was on call-back for their actual phone line, and then finally had someone switch it back pretty easily actually after all that. Mistakes could be funny when your in love.

Raise the Tetto

Learning a language with your lover could possibly be one of the most romantic things to do together. Language opens up the possibilities for connection and learning a new language allows you new opportunity to connect with each other and those who speak that language. I had learned 5 years of French, quite a bit of Spanish, some Hebrew, a little Arabic, and some sign language and one of my goals has been to be fluent in another language enough so I could make someone laugh (not at my accent but at the content of what I was expressing). Kait also has a background in French.

With all this language background we decided to learn Italian in preparation for this upcoming Euro trip (also thinking we may want to live in Italy someday or be at least be able to sweet talk with a cannoli.)  I had used Preply.com before to learn languages and found it to be affordable and reliable. The first teacher we selected was a bit strict without much of a sense of humor and Kait and I agreed we should maybe try another one before committing.  That is how we found Umberto.  Umberto is an Italian graphic designer living in London (now in Indonesia) and he was playful. He is exactly what we were looking for in an Italian teacher. At one point before asking me to say a phrase in Italian he said “Davide don’t f*** this up” and to Kait when she said a word that started with the sound “moooooo” understood why it was so funny that it felt like time stopped during that utterance when I looked at her with an impressed look.  He is super funny and energetic and seemed very organized in his teaching methods. Although at some point Kait and I realized we were having pretty much the same lesson every time we took accountability for it because we rarely practiced between lessons after the first few weeks and began to schedule lessons a bit too infrequently to remember what we had done last!

It is not easy to learn a new language as an adult in general but especially when you are not immersed in the language or need to use it in your daily life and when life gets busy it is hard to keep a commitment to practice. Nonetheless we had a ton of fun. It is a beautiful and vulnerable thing to learn a language together with your lover.  It is stepping into the unknown. It is the discovery of new words and expressions that release your previously held notions and limitations. It is love languages – the sound of them, the way you slow down to pay attention to the detail of how each letter and accent sounds, and how you trudge through it and mess up all the time together. Somehow our favorite word became – tetto which means roof in Italian. Probably not the most useful word to know but hey at least we could say “Raise the tetto” when we got to Italy.